Dealing with Other Parents
I like to let my kids discover things for themselves to foster confidence, independence and learning. I try to only step in when they are in danger, loud, will not share, or will hurt other kids. I find that other parents often annoy the hell outta me. They will let there kid push my child or break her toys. They do not disipline, but when the shoe is on the other foot…they are the first ones to say something. Example: my baby was hugging an kissing my friends son, I could tell it annoyed her, she wanted me to stop the behavior. My child is not even two, she was just showing affection why should I punish her? Diff. Example: a 2 yr old boy pushes my 13 month daughter down and she knocks her head on concrete she screams, the parents say nothing to me or there son I am scared about dealing with parents in the future. I don’t like confrontaion…and it seems kids are always doing something that could spark a fight between you and another parent. How do you deal? There are so many different parenting styles! How do we all get along? I want to tell the passive people to disipline there children….and I want to tell the uptight strict people to ease up a little bit. I guess I am more middle of the road when it comes to parenting, but it seems as though everyone is so one sided and close minded when it comes to there kids
YES!!! I really do hate them most of the time. Astoundingly, many of my friends have become TERRIBLE parents. One friend has a nervous breakdown at every get-together because her child a snotty “princess” who won’t share. Both our kids are learning to share but she takes it personally. Another friend talks negatively about her children IN FRONT OF THEM as if they are case studies. She calls them “this one” and “that one” rather than their names. Plus she has one very disturbed kid who she keeps yo-yo-ing on and off of ADD drugs and in and out of school. It breaks my heart. Oh and then there’s the friend who’s youngest has had a runny nose for 1 1/2 years and they no longer even try to wipe his nose, then the encourage him to kiss my daughter. I don’t think so! Oh and the entire “princess” thing pisses me off. My daughter is special, unique, etc. However I do not fill her heard with princess, diva, ruler of the universe ideas. That’s just programming your child to be a BRAT in my opinion.
If parents are unwilling to step in to prevent their child from hurting another, then you will need to step in. Your child is the one at risk and it's your job to protect her. I would approach the children and tell the other child that he or she won't be allowed to play with your daughter until he or she learns not to push, hit, bite, etc. That way that child is still learning that the behavior is wrong without you directly telling that child "no". If the other parent doesn't like it, oh well. Your job is to protect your child.
On the other hand, if they don't like behavior your child is exhibiting, you could comment and then ask them. Your hugging example: you could tell the mom was annoyed so you could have approached it as…"Isn't it cute how children express their emotions whole heartedly? I like to encourage my daughter to express herself when it doesn't cause any harm.Do you think your son is comfortable with that? If not, I can stop her." That way you are respecting your friend's wishes, while still explaining your feelings. While her hugging is harmless, she will at some point need to learn to respect other's boundries. Yes, under the age of 2 she probably won't understand that, but over time she'll learn.
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Your baby hugging and kissing: great, it's sweet but as you say not all parents like that. No need to punish your child, just distract her and tell her how sweet it is of her to be so nice.
About yr 2 yr old: I would have spoken quietly to this other little child and explained why he hurt my little boy. No need for shouting or punishment, after all he's only a little boy too and maybe at home his parents don't correct him like you do. You have every right to make a remark if his parents don't do it - as long as you remain calm and civil. I know it's not nice having to do this, but next time (should there be another time) these parents will probably feel obliged to tell him off in front of you. Parents, as much as children, respect discipline even if they don't always show it at the time. Be strong and proud of how you bring up your children, and speak to the others as you would to your own.
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I am a nursery school teacher!
Hi there dear I can say there is no right way or wrong way in dealing with other parents, they as with you are in the belief that their johnny or Mary can do no wrong, I am a mum of three and have had my fair share of problems with parents.
Firstly I always set the rules when someone comes for a play date, if the parents are leaving advise them of your rules, if they are staying, say that you want you son/daughter to have friends but you need to advise of the boundaries before anything happens. it is wise to do this first up so that there are no embarrassing situations later down the track.
I have to say also that some rough play is needed so children learn how to inter elate in life, it is how they learn, fun play can be some times not always practical, as we all need to learn how to solve problems. as we all grow we communicate in different ways physical and mental. I say you need boundaries in all areas of life so set them while kids are young and you will know your johnny/Mary stand, and their pals and friends
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My experiences
When it comes to protecting your child you need to say something to the parents. I am not one for confrontation either and am very shy (I always have been)but when it comes to your child you have to get over any feelings you have except the feeling of needing to protect your daughter. As for other things (like your first example) ignore the parents. No child should be punished for showing affection.
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You do whatever you feel you need to do to protect your kid.
If it involves stepping in and telling other parents to get off their butts to keep their little kids from pushing your kid, so be it.
But then if other parents get annoyed at your kid for doing something like kissing their kid, you have to listen to them.
You have to grow a spine and realize that confrontation is part of life. You don't have to be an ass about anything, but people can see if you are going to be a doormat, and they will use you as so.
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YES!!! I really do hate them most of the time. Astoundingly, many of my friends have become TERRIBLE parents.
One friend has a nervous breakdown at every get-together because her child a snotty "princess" who won't share. Both our kids are learning to share but she takes it personally.
Another friend talks negatively about her children IN FRONT OF THEM as if they are case studies. She calls them "this one" and "that one" rather than their names. Plus she has one very disturbed kid who she keeps yo-yo-ing on and off of ADD drugs and in and out of school. It breaks my heart.
Oh and then there's the friend who's youngest has had a runny nose for 1 1/2 years and they no longer even try to wipe his nose, then the encourage him to kiss my daughter. I don't think so!
Oh and the entire "princess" thing pisses me off. My daughter is special, unique, etc. However I do not fill her heard with princess, diva, ruler of the universe ideas. That's just programming your child to be a BRAT in my opinion.
References :
Feels good to let that out.